Many couples who start therapy do so because they do not feel happy or satisfied in their relationship.However, they do not all know if they really have a problem or if they are having a bad time. Should they just wait for the storm to pass?
The majority of couples seeking professional help have really big problems. At the same time, they are people who, even if they are in a relationship, work on other levels. To put it another way,these couples have problems in some areas of their lives while other areas remain intact.So we see confusion and doubts arise: do they really have problems with their relationship?
In this article, we will detail the 5 diagnostic areas used during a first couple therapy.They make it possible to identify the problems that exist and the area in which they are located. This pattern of analysis of the relationship of couple by domains will also allow you to know what works well in your couple.
- 1 The 5 diagnostic areas that can reveal couple problems
- 2 1. Friendship: being in a relationship with one of your best friends
- 3 2. Intimacy: the art of sharing quality time together and without distractions
- 4 3. Form a team: go in the same direction
- 5 4. Passion and sexuality: the difference between being a couple and being best friends
- 6 5. Commitment to a future together: having projects and paying attention to each other
- 7 The 3 times of the couple
The 5 diagnostic areas that can reveal couple problems
1. Friendship: being in a relationship with one of your best friends
This point refers to the friendship in the couple.This means that your partner is one of the people with whom you share feelings, everyday experiences, concerns and desires.Friendship is necessary for a couple to work well. In fact, satisfied couples say that friendship is the cement of their union.
Otherwise,friendship in the relationship can be born before the birth of the couple. It may also have developed along with the emotional relationship.In the field of friendship in the couple, we find several things. Time share, activities together, hobbies, hobbies and values in syntony. All these ingredients are essential for the relationship to work.
"The first love is a little madness and a great curiosity."
-George Bernard Shaw-
One of the first evaluations done in therapy is to see if this friendship is present. This area is indeed extremely linked to trust. The latter is not a feeling that is limited to relationships. We could say that it exists in the couple because friendship is present.
If the relationship of friendship in the couple is not good, trust issues will exist.This will be reflected by a sense of distance and misunderstanding ("my spouse is a stranger to me").
So, if this cement is damaged in a couple, it is very likely that the relationship fails. Why ?Because the more we are friends with each other, the more understanding, assertiveness and complicity are great.
2. Intimacy: the art of sharing quality time together and without distractions
In this case, there may be problems with couples who share a friendship, time together, hobbies but no intimacy.Intimacy in a couple's life is understood as the quality time that a couple spends alone.At this moment, the members show all their tenderness. Intimacy also includes moments when people are sincere to each other. They share their ideas, their emotions and their deepest desires with each other.
The fact that a couple has moments to meet is very important.It is also very difficult for a couple with children or family responsibilities. Children or relationships with other family members (parents of one member, brothers / sisters of the other, children of different marriages, etc.) may push one of the couple members to to feel "invaded" The problems then arise.
These problems of couple will arise if one of the members is not satisfied with the level of intimacy of the couple.He will not feel out of place and think that he is not important to the other. All this will promote a negative attitude on a daily basis (irritability, a tendency to feel forgotten) and the appearance of negative feelings.
3. Form a team: go in the same direction
The feeling that your couple is functioning as a team is fundamental for the relationship to be positive. And for her to have a future.When one of the members feels that the other is not making efforts for the common life, the problems appear.In this area, it is assessed whether the two are making efforts or whether the daily tasks are distributed. We also look at whether family responsibilities are shared and if there is mutual support.
The likelihood of couple problems appearing is greater for couples who notice inequality. One can further push the other or one can drag …Feeling that one must mobilize the other or push it is experienced as a weight or a burden.This causes stress and dissatisfaction.
Therefore,to diagnose problems in this area, it is essential to evaluate several things. The division of domestic tasks, the efforts that are made for each other,the spirit of initiative … Not to mention the proposals made to spend free time. Or the support that each member brings to the other (objective and perceived).
"Love knows no possessions: it gives freedom."
4. Passion and sexuality: the difference between being a couple and being best friends
Passion and sexuality can not be missed in a couple's life.Without them, we find only a very good relationship of friendship and a lot of tenderness. But probably not (or more difficult) a good relationship.Nevertheless, it is clear that the importance given to passion and sexuality is not always the same. Both components must be present at all costs. Otherwise, the torque problems will appear quickly.
It must also be known that passion and sexuality diminish as time passes.This is part of the natural evolution of the couple. Very often, it is also an adaptation to the appearance of the first physical limitations. However, as long as both people want to maintain this flame and live their sexuality in an intense and satisfying way, anything is possible. Even with limitations.
5. Commitment to a future together: having projects and paying attention to each other
Engagement in the couple, psychologically speaking, goes beyond a verbal or formal commitment of loyalty and respect.In a couple therapy, when we talk about commitment, we are referring to the involvement of everyone. At what level? At the future level of the relationship and shared projects.
Thus, a person can break every time there is a problem or an argument. Or the break can be seen as a problem-solving strategy. In both cases, we are facing a couple with no or low commitment level.
Low engagement in the couple indicates problems in this area. This is a delicate point becauselong-term relationships require a strong commitment. This commitment is necessary to evolve and overcome difficulties.
Finally,one of the advantages of this diagnostic system is that it tells us where to intervene.Points to work are identified at the same time that the diagnosis is made. If you are having a bad time in your relationship, we advise you to explore these five areas.