Adoption is an excellent opportunity for people who can not have children biologically. It is a different way of accessing motherhood and fatherhood. Shecreates a relationship of filiation as consistent as in the context of biological paternity. The adoption process is also part of the parents' decision to start a long road, with obstacles, that deserves to be analyzed before embarking on this path.
Adoptive parents act as protectors. Their generosity and desire to pass on love are furthermoreopportunities to mark the life of their footprints. Adopting means recognizing a child as his own, in order to form a family, even if he is not biologically.
The existence of doubts and fears is normal from the first moment of this complex process.The insecurity of the adoptive parents leads them to ask questions. They also have mixed feelings "Do I know how to be a good parent?" "Will he love me?" "Will we be a real family?"
One of the most common fears shared by adoptive parents is that their child does not feel loved as a biological child. It is also likely that the child also feels the same fears. The latter will haveneed adults, parents, who will be sure of what they do, their feelings and their decision so that the child feels really protected. He does not need parents without doubt. He needs parents who can calmly resist this moment of doubt.
Adoption: 4 things to keep in mind
According to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, adoption is not a tool to solve a fertility problem or a desire for paternity. This is'a measure to protect abandoned children, their right to have a family and the obligation of the administrations to provide this family to the minor.
Adopting is not a decision to be taken lightly
The first question to be answered by parents who decide to adopt is as simple as it is profound.Why do you want to adopt a child?What are the reasons or reasons that support your decision?
From now onbegins a difficult bureaucratic way, with various assessments in which parents must show that they are the ideal candidates to receive this child. Their lives will be analyzed in depth for the sole purpose of finding the best family for the child. All this generates anxiety or stress for future parents.
One premise that needs to be taken into account is that adoption is a lengthy process. And often difficult to face. The professionals in charge of the treatment of this procedure must deepen various subjects such as work, friendships or the way of being future adoptive parents.
Candidates often find questions, interviews or inquiries about their lives overly (what nature does not do when we decide to have a child).It is important here to be patient and not lose sight of the ultimate goal, the adoption. Investigators responsible for this task should also be sensitive enough to identify the insurmountable obstacles that can be overcome by the attitude, intelligence and some resources that can be incorporated at a given moment.
Prepare for the pre-interviews
The intense desire of parents to have a child as soon as possible makes the adoption process too long for them.The criteria sought by adopters, as unfair and subjective as they may seem, are ultimately the result of laws established by international conventions. And if we consider them as a whole, they have their logic in regard to the uncertainty surrounding the problem of adoption and childhood.
Preliminary interviews tend to know the motives that led the candidate to adopt. The relationships of the couple are studied, as are the structure of their personality, their physical condition and their capacity to consolidate and develop the adoptive relationship.
Adoption is not a charity
Adoption is obviously not a charity! Both parents and adoptive children went through complicated emotional states until they met.This is'a common project, not a great favor. An illusion passing beyond the burden that a child can represent at a given moment.
The desire of the parents is realized from the moment when they have their baby at home. This intermediate point – never definitive, because there is still much to do – so important, comes after having already overcome certain obstacles. For example, the one we mentioned earlier: bear with a good attitude that a foreigner asks very direct and intimate questions.
It should also be made clear that the interest of theadoption must always be considered from the point of view of the child. Parents count, of course. And a lot. But the minor prevails because he has fewer resources because he is less protected. It is finally him who has the right to have parents, a family. And not the reverse.
Facing a new life
It is difficult to predict how the adopted child will adapt to his new family, his current home. The concept of adaptation is even more complicated when it comes to children from other countries. Indeed, their stories and previous experiences can influence their adaptation to their new environment.
Contrary to popular belief, adopted children generally seem to adapt well. In other words, theydo not present more personal, social, family or academic difficulties than non-adopted children.
As for new parents, a great option to solve all their doubtsis to interact with families who have already adopted. To seek support from adoptive parents' associations.It is necessary not to have preconceptions about the period of family adjustment after the arrival of the child. It is a transient stage in which a bond of attachment based on love, respect and mutual trust is established (if it is to be established, if things go well and very slowly).
"It is not flesh and blood, but the heart that makes us parents and children."-J. Schiller-