The border distinguishing admiration and love is very subtle. So subtle that it is not uncommon to confuse the two feelings. This is so because these feelings involve a complex dynamic. We can admire without loving with the heart, but we can not love without at the same time having a share of admiration.
The subject becomes even more complicated if we think about falling in lovegenerates a certain idealization of the loved one. During this first phase of the relationship, admiration and love are almost identical. One begins to take precedence over the other over time. Everything is finally decided through the mind and the heart.
Physical beauty, for example, is something that can arouse admiration and desire. These feelings can be very intense. So much, that sometimes we confuse this set with love. It's the same for otherscircumstantial virtues such as fameor power. They generate so much admiration that they sometimes end up mixing with love.
” To love is to admire with the heart, but to admire is to love with the spirit.”-Alfredo La Mont-
Admiration and love, sets and separations
In one way or another, admiration is always present when love exists. In this case, love and admiration go together. However, this is not the case when the terms are reversed. In other words, it is not because there is admiration that love is necessarily present.
Idealization consists in attributing to the other virtues that he does not have or exaggerate those he possesses. This happens frequently at the beginning of the relationship. The members of the couple do not know each other enough, but look at each other through a filter: the desire that the other person be someone wonderful. There is then admiration and love, but both have weak bases. Indeed, a good part of this love corresponds to expectations and fantasies.
Admiration and self-esteem
It is usual for people with self-esteem problems to idealize love and "fall in love" with those they consider to be above average. The supposed feeling of love is thus inspired by the supposed admiration.In reality, they seek to rediscover that self-love which is lacking in them through the approval and affection of someone to whom they attribute this power.
There are also some stereotypes in our culture of what is admirable or not. In "commercial" terms, someone admirable is the one who matches the ideal customer of the market. He who respects the parameters established by the latter. Beautiful, athletic, with a capacity of consumption and very self-determined.
Therefore,many people eager for acceptance will seek these stereotypes to deposit on them their apparent affections. It is a way of feeling included and warding off the specter of rejection. Nevertheless, there is neither admiration nor love. Only a hard and strong rejection of oneself.
A healthy admiration and a healthy love
True love focuses more on giving oneself for the sake of others than about awakening the love of each other. It's not a "blinding feeling". He is not born overnight either. True love presupposes knowledge, acceptance and, of course, the admiration of the spouse. This is an admiration that arises from knowledge and recognition.
Admiration and love go hand in hand when we manage to deepen the relationship with the other and discover the many virtues of the latter. Virtues that would not be appreciated at first sight. There is a positive disposition for these discoveries.There is no point in using these virtues.
On the other hand, theadmLovelessness is the fruit of reflection. This implies the recognition of virtues, abilities or qualities considered valid. An artist is admired for his talent. A leader for his tenacity, a teacher for his knowledge. None of this involves love in the romantic sense of the term. We can admire without loving, but not the opposite.