The idea that "the love of our life" exists has become widespread in recent years (or even decades). In one way or another, it is the contemporary version of the myth of the soul mate.Implicitly, we believe that a great love is predestined to us and that our role is to look for it and find it. If you do not find the love of your life, your must apparently continue to look for it.
There is nothing wrong with considering love from a romantic point of view. In fact, it can even be rewarding.The problem arises when you believe that you do not find the love of your life and that you will eventually discover it in any place.And that it will last all the life. If it is not the case, it is because this person was not and another person will be.
"Not to be loved is just a misadventure, the real misfortune is not knowing how to love."
The problematic point in all of this is that some people can start living according to an ideal fact.Now, the ideal facts dwell only in the world of ideas. Not in reality. It is therefore necessary to clarify things a little. For that, let's study now five of the reasons why you do not find the love of your life.
1. The love of your life does not exist
The first reason you do not find the love of your life is that it does not exist.At least, not according to the definition of someone who is destined to occupy a wonderful place in your heart. There is not one person with whom we can be happy in a relationship.
Any relationship, however marvelous, is likely to end. It does not depend on destiny or supernatural forces.It is simply a consequence of several factors. The most common are frustrated expectations and the difficulty of accommodating each other in our lives in a mature way.
2. Narcissism precludes accepting differences
Many people think that the ideal spouse is a kind of mirror of themselves. They are looking for someone who looks like their own version, but in another body.It is obvious that a strong compatibility must exist between two people but that does not mean that big differences can not be present.
If you do not find the love of your life, it may be because you have a too personal idea of love.You probably think that a great love is one that fulfills your needs or desires. And you ? Are you able to fulfill all the needs and desires of the other?
3. Teen fantasies: one reason you can not find the love of your life
Many people still believe that someone must "appear" and that you have spangles in the belly, sweaty hands and the heart coming out through the eyes.This person must also transport you to paradise by its mere presence. The rest does not matter.
These fantasies are the memories of the first teenage loves.It's not just love that drives us to live these ties in this way: it's also youth and that particular stage.But we will never find this youth and our love will not be so effervescent. On the other hand, they will surely be more real and lasting.
4. Engagement capacity does not develop
One of the most common reasons why you can not find the love of your life might be your difficulty getting involved.To assume a commitment is not simple. This involves a set of losses and renunciations.But also the acceptance that reality is incomplete and imperfect. This is the negation of the romantic ideal because it is nothing more than a rational act.
Sometimes we refuse to accept that reality has ordinary facets.Engagement is not compatible with idealism but with realism. Not everyone has the tools to engagewith another person. In this case, no love will survive time and difficulties.
5. An obsession for success
There is currently a great obsession for success, especially in the professional field.People want to go higher and higher. Have more money, more prestige, more of everything. The only way to do this is by dedicating his life to his work and his projects.
In these conditions, it is difficult to see a great love prosper.Even for these people, love ends up being a business they demand profitability.But here's one of the great secrets of true love: we fall in love with each other's vulnerabilities and needs, not their successes and victories.
If you complain because you can not find the love of your life, you may want to think about the fact that there is nothing to find.It's not about searching but about building. To love and not to be loved.Here is the formula to succeed in living a perfectly happy relationship.