When we have a child, it's not just about being a blank white page of experience and education. As parents, we are in the same situation in many ways, because every child is a world.
So, even if we have preconceived ideas about how to be good parents, we will often have to rectify them. As we learn more about children and get to know them better, beliefs about how to raise them will change. Therefore, we must never tire of learning from our mistakes.
Here are some common misconceptions about parenting that psychologists tell us do not often correspond to reality.
A parent is never wrong
This first idea about the education of children is rather a classic of old-school education. According to this vision, parents are the total example for their children. That's why they can sometimes look like perfect beings who are never wrong. But are we aware of the pressure it is putting on children?
If a child looks at everything his parents do and they are perfect, what level of demands do they give him? The pressure and stress this brings for our children can be excessive.
On the contrary, experts do not only know that parents are wrong: their mistakes are a perfect opportunity to learn from them and valuable lessons. In fact, they will allow future reactions to similar situations to be more thoughtful and functional.
"Most people confuse education and instruction."
Never say NO to the child, as this can frustrate him
Some parents think that denying their child what he is asking for is a bad idea. However, is not frustration part of life? Does this mean that we must deliberately frustrate the child to learn? The truth is that we do not have to go to one of these extremes. We can neither say yes to everything, nor systematically deny the wishes of the child.
If the child has a tantrum, give in and give him a reason to stop protesting is not the solution. On the contrary, a firm response and an invitation to the child to think, reflect and study his attitude generally gives better results.
It is true that it is not always easy to do it, and in the heat of the moment, it is difficult to do it. Over time, however, the results are positive. This way of acting improves the behavior and attitude of children. Parents, on the other hand, learn to remain firm in their beliefs.
I know what my son needs
Can we know exactly what our children want? Are we so empathetic and know them so well that we can enter their minds and distinguish what they need and want?
People who think so tend to adopt somewhat authoritarian attitudes. In this way, the child ends up ignoring what he thinks, and ends up not listening to his ideas and real needs. But do not you like to be listened to, accepted, valued and understood? Why should your child be different?
We must not fall into the trap of thinking that we know better than our children what they need. One of our roles as parents is to listen to their needs and try to answer them in the most effective way possiblenot in the way that we think is ideal.
My child will love this activity
Sometimes we turn our desires against them. For example, if we love football, we want them to play it. We want them to be painters, writers, actors, sportsmen, musicians … But would not it be better to ask them first?
Maybe our child does not have the same desires as us. It may be a good thing that he tries, that he experiments on his own to see what really attracts him. This way you will be able to choose the activities that will make him really happy.
We are the parents and we have the power
This is another misconception about the education of children that many parents share. Can you imagine how helpless and frustrating it is in children ?
Imagine the frustration you would feel if your boss acted that way. In the case of your children, the feeling is similar. Remember that you are only their parent and not their owner: even if you have more experience, children's opinions must also be taken into account.
The truth is that, difficult as it may be, you must try to discuss with them calmly. In general, reaching consensus with our children will always be more positive than just hitting the table.
"To reprimand error is not enough if one does not teach him the right way."
Of course, you do not have to believe everything you just read to the letter. If you are not convinced of these mistaken beliefs about the education of children, make the experiment. In the end, the most important thing is that you get positive results in your relationship with the children in your home.