Problems encountered in childhood predict how our quality of life will be when we grow up.
In addition, they can significantly influence how today's children will act tomorrow, and they will also influence how we deal with adversity.
So, somehow, from these 5 emotional wounds or painful experiences of childhoodwe will form a part of our personality. In the lines that follow, we will see what are our wounds defined by Lise Bourbeau.
1- The fear of abandonment
Loneliness is the worst enemy for anyone who has been abandoned as a child. There will be constant attention to this lack, therefore, the one who has suffered, will abandon its partners and projects early, for fear of being abandoned.
It would be something like "I'm leaving before you leave me", "no one supports me, I'm not ready to endure it", "if you go away, do not come back …".
People who have sufferedabandonment in childhoodwill have to work their fear of loneliness and their fear of being rejected.
The injury caused by abandonment is not easy to heal. Thus, you will be aware that you have begun to heal when the fear of having moments of loneliness will disappear and a positive and hopeful inner dialogue will begin to circulate in you.
2 The fear of rejection
It's a deep wound, because it involves the rejection of our inner being. With the inner word we refer to our experiences, thoughts and feelings.
The appearance of rejection can be explained by many factors that may influence it, such as the rejection of parents, family, or peers. It generates thoughts of rejection, the feeling of not being desired and a disqualification of oneself.
The person suffering from this painful experience does not feel worthy of affection or understanding and isolates himself in his inner emptiness for fear of being rejected.
It is likely that people who experienced this in their childhood will beelusive people. So we have to work on our inner fears and those situations that create a panic.
If this is your case, take care to pay attention to yourself, to take risks and make decisions for yourself.
Each time, you will be a little less disturbed as people move away from you and when they forget you at some point, you will not take it anymore as something personal.
This injury is generated when we think others are disapproving and criticizing us. We can generate these problems for our children by telling them that they are stupid, bad or heavy, or by telling their problems to others. This destroys the child's self-esteem.
These people will have a dependent personality. In addition, we may have learned to be "tyrants" and egoists as a defense mechanism and even to humiliate others, to use them as a protective shield.
Having suffered from this type of experience requires to work our independence, our freedom, the understanding of our needs and our fears as well as our priorities.
4- Treason or fear of trust
It appears when the child felt betrayed by one of his parents especially, if it did not fulfill its promises.
This can generate a mistrust that can be turned into envy and other negative feelings, since one does not feel worthy of what has been promised and what others have.
Having suffered from these problems in childhood builds manipulative people who want to control everything and control everything. If you have experienced these problems during childhoodyou are likely to feel the need to exercise some control over others, which is often justified by a strong character.
We often see their mistakes of these people in their ways of acting. So it's about working patience, tolerance and knowing how to live, as well as learning to be alone and to delegate responsibilities.
5- The injustice
It results from an environment in which the main protectors are cold and authoritarian. In childhood, a too important requirement that exceeds the limits generates feelings of helplessness and uselessness, both in childhood and in adulthood.
The direct consequences on the behavior of those who have suffered will be the rigiditybecause these people are trying to be very important and gain great power.
Moreover, it is likely that this injustice creates a fanaticism for order and perfectionism and an inability to make decisions with confidence.
It is necessary to work mistrust and mental rigidity, to generate maximum flexibility and to trust others.
Now that we know the five soul wounds that can affect our well-being, our health and our ability to develop as people, we can begin to put in place a healing process.
Images courtesy of natalia_maroz and jrcasas
Source of the idea: Bourbeau, L. (2003) The five wounds that prevent one from being oneself. OB Stare.