The couple is a reality in constantconstruction and reconstruction (evolution). The fact that two people love each other does not imply that their relationship is free of ups and downs, difficulties and conflicts. There are periods of crises common to stable couples.
Each couple is a world. He has his own strengths and weaknesses, as well as his own intrinsic conflicts.However, there are common crises in stable couples. They refer to moments in which certain specific factors appear which destabilize the relationship.
” It is easier to be a good lover than a good husband, because it is easier to be timely and witty from time to time than every day. “
-Honoré de Balzac-
The periodsCommon crises with stable couples are mainly four.When the craze ends. When the decision is made to consolidate the union. With the arrival of the children and finally when they leave. Let's see each of these moments in more detail.
1. The end of the craze
This is the first of the crises common to stable couples.It usually intervenes one year after the beginning of the relationship. Studies indicate that the craze itself lasts on average about three months. Its effects, however, tend to extend a little more. Let us remember that this is an approximate datum, which speaks of generality, not of particular cases.
The end of the craze results from the breakdown of some of the ideals romantic. In other words, to stop seeing the other as a perfect or fundamentally extraordinary being. The defects of the spouse are also known now. This implies a readjustment of expectations and therefore a crisis. Many perfect-looking couples end after a year or a year and a half. This is due to the transition from the ideal to the real.
2. Consolidation, one of the common crises in stable couples
Another common crisis in stable couples is usually about three years after the start of the relationship.It corresponds to the moment when the idea floatsto "go to the next level". In other words, decide to live together or not. This readjustment leads here again to a moment of instability.
At this point, the relationship can take different directions. In the best case, both agree to live together or not to do so.They thus pass to the true acceptance of the other, to the consolidation of a mature couple. Others, however, do not agree on the next step to be implemented. This is the reason why many breaks or removals occur at this time, which lead to the breaking of the commitment and subsequent separations.
3. The arrival of children, a moment of crisis
The arrival of children is another factor that requires a restructuring of the relationship. This is one of those moments where some cracks in the relationship can become visible. It is also common for past conflicts, including childhood, to re-emerge unresolved. What seemed stable may flicker.
At this point, the couple is relegated to a second plane. Indeed, the main role to assume is that of parents. Children become the priority. There are sometimes disagreements in the parental model. In other cases, one of them feels overwhelmed by so many responsibilities. It is likely that the inability to cope with these conflicts leads to a break. If they manage to overcome these difficulties, the couple becomes a more united family.
4. The empty nest and the new challenges
Although the couple has managed to overcome all the previous steps, they still have a task to face when the children leave the house in which they grew up.Parents meet each other after many years. Everyone has changed significantlyduring this period. They have to learn to know each other and to recognize each other again.
The couples used to marry younger, so that the empty nest crisis occurred before 50 years. Many felt that they were still old enough to start again. This reunion comes later today. That's whybreaks are not as common at this stage. This could nevertheless be a time of significant conflict. Overcoming them can help recover some of the sleepy relationship.
The fact that both members of a couple love each other deeply does not exempt them from going through difficult times.Crises in stable couples are also an opportunity to consolidate and strengthen the links between the two and to give more depth and content to the relationship.