Helping others is not so simple as one might think at first sight. In fact, it is not just about meeting the needs of others to avoid deficiencies or suffering. In reality, it is not so simple. Most of the time, you do not have to solve the problems of others because otherwise you hurt them.
Neither the deficiency nor the suffering are intrinsically negative. In fact, we often find the way to our inner strength by assuming dissatisfaction and pain. For this, you must not solve the problems of others because it is a way to stop their evolution.
"If you give a fish to a man, he feeds once, and if you teach him how to fish, he will feed all his life."
There is only one solution for which the problems of others can be assumed: when someone is physically or mentally incapable of doing it himself. This is particularly the case of children or those who have an impediment making their decision making impossible. In other cases, this is not possible because the loss generated is disproportionate. Let's see below three reasons that confirm it.
1. You inhibit the ingenuity and resilience of others
The ability to solve problems and find solutions is not innate. She learns and develops with practice. It includes cognitive aspects, but also emotional and behavioral aspects. It is not something that is obtained overnight.
The only way to develop this ability to find solutions to difficulties is to deal with them. Of course, it is much easier to let someone else do it for us, but it makes us less confident and more dependent.
You do not have to solve the problems of others because it inhibits the development of their ingenuity, their resilience, and the evolution of their vital abilities. The ones we all need one day. Those who give us wings to fly instead of staying attached to a shelter.
2. It is an obstacle to growth and it promotes dependence
This aspect is very much related to the previous one. What happens when someone is still counting on someone else to save themselves the trouble? It will simply not reach maturity. Neither from the point of view of his intellectual capacities, nor from a point of view of his emotions, feelings and behaviors.
This creates a series of consequences, starting with the deformation of the character. People who do not deal with problems on their own can become capricious and demanding. In fact, they may end up not being grateful for the support that others bring to them. For them, being helped is an obligation to which others must respond.
So, people do not learn to earn things through their own effort. It is even possible that they see the effort as unnecessary discomfort. In the best case, this leads to a way of being selfish, authoritarian and unthinking. This is one more reason that proves that we must not solve the problems of others.
3. Do you know what is best?
This is one of the main reasons for not solving the problems of others: what makes you think that you know what is best for others? Finally, you see the world and the difficulties according to your own life experience, your knowledge and your temperament and this is not necessarily valid for another person.
The path that is good for one person is not necessarily good for another. Everyone must be willing to trace their own path. The one who pleases him, who can satisfy him, who allows him to better develop personally. However, it is a process that nobody can carry out in place of another, because it is impossible to put oneself entirely in someone's shoes.
Sometimes, even with the best intention, we are doing harm. Nobody has the right to try to solve the problems of others by thinking that this is the solution. This can for example bring new obstacles or aggravate everything.
Solving the problems of others by habit is not a good idea because in doing so, one can make others doubt their abilities. If you want to help, the best is to accompany and support, but not to prevent others from building their own path.