Romantic love is one of the great lies of humanity.He was born following the exaggeration of the model of couple and the concealment of defects by idealization. He is everywhere. Since our earliest childhood, cartoons have pushed us to overcome any adversity: one of the usual rewards for characters who succeed is a love without spot.
The main problem of romantic love is the division of sex roles.The man is transformed into an actor and the woman becomes a reward. Even if we do not feel like it, this model is repeated in a multitude of films, series and other audiovisual products that we know and are used to consume.
Myths of romantic love
The following myths of romantic love are present in our daily life andhinder our relationshipscreating unreal and harmful expectations.
1. Our half
As soon as we see our first princess movie, we believe there is only one person for us in this world. We get the idea that we are destined for this person and will fall in love with them right away. After that, our personalities and desires will fit perfectly. So we are taught thatlove must be exclusive and faithful and it is not necessary to have already lived experiences.
Is not experience necessary in love? Studies tell us the exact opposite.Having different relationships helps us very often to determine what we want or not.It also gives us insights into what we can negotiate and what is difficult to demand. Having a lot of relationships is not necessary, of course. But it is not essential to have one and only one.
2. The omnipotence of love
The majority of stories, films and other audiovisual products refer to the omnipotence of love.Love can triumph over any obstacle, tenfold our strengths and our ability to support certain things. The problem is that many people see their dignity bruised and "endure" their relationship by clinging to this idea.
Love is not overpowering. It is only a social construction that we can reject if it does not suit our professional, family or individual life.Not everyone is ready to have a lasting relationship. Not everyone wants or is prepared to know one type of relationship.
Some couples live together. Others are happy in maintaining a certain space; that's why each member lives in his own house. Couples decide to try to overcome an obstacle and others choose to separate. They are all respectable.And, more importantly, all those who trained or trained them can continue to be happy.
3. Opposing poles attract each other
This is one of the most dangerous myths. It has two distinct faces: one is directly related to the omnipotence of love and the soul mate, the other is the change made by love.We first accept the differences by thinking that the love between the two people will triumph over everything.
In reality, a couple with very different opinions will constantly face disagreements, disputes and conflicts.Although criticism and debate are very healthy in a couple, the ongoing confrontation undermines the sense of unity and compatibility.
The second facet is one of the most widespread in literature, film and television. We all know stories in which a person (usually the woman) meets a man whoa priori, does not suit him. From there, instead of looking for someone more compatible, she strives to change the other person to form a couple.
In truth,people do not change so easily.The mistake, in this case, is to love the person we project on our future and not the current person. It is with her that we start or not a relationship.
Compatibility, tolerance and respect, with a healthy attraction, gives life to a strong and lasting love(if that's what interests us). We have seen that trying to reflect ourselves on external models, people we do not know, creates in us unreal expectations that, in the long run, will frustrate us.